Round and Round the Merry-Go-Round

With the warmest hug, his words echoed, "Be safe and take care of yourself. And remember that I'll always love you".

Is it possible for a dream to feel so real? Is it possible to smell and feel someone who lives no more? Is it possible to close your eyes and go back to that dream?

Lying in bed looking at the world outside her window get covered with white dust, these are the thoughts racing through her head. Three years since she last saw him, five months since he passed away, today was the first time she dreamt about him. She knows her grandfather is doing better now. No more pain, no more suffering, no more worries. The relief death can bring. How wonderful it would be to be with him, somewhere in the sky, probably a part of the stars or even just as two big fluffy clouds. Hopeless hope.

She looks at the clock on her night stand. 12:00 PM. Another 12 hours to deal with. Another 12 hours of pretending to be normal. Another 12 hours before a new day begins. But its cold and she feels so much better staying in her bed where its warm. She covers herself completely with her blanket making it seem like she's living in a cocoon. If only she could stay like this forever. No one to question her, no one to worry her, no one to cause her harm. So much easier to hide in a cocoon than face what the world has to throw at you. The cruel world that wont stop causing her pain and at the same time wont stop inquiring as to how she feels . She's sick of being treated like a patient. People should learn to mind their own businesses. If she's distant, they want to know what's wrong. If she's happy, they think she's faking her problems. If she's normal, they leave her alone but form groups amongst themselves to discuss her issues. What has the world come to? What is wrong with people? Why does she have to face such pathetic people? Why can't they worry about themselves and leave her alone? Why do they sit on their high chairs and diagnose her when they know nothing about her?

Tears of anger and frustration trickle down her cheek and onto her pillow. She keeps her eyes shut hoping that doing this will extinguish the nauseous feeling building up inside her. And in her mind she's screaming out. Just three words. Over and over and over again.

"Leave me alone"